" A hand on your heart
you feel the beat
sometimes slow
sometimes fast
you know because of the sound,
that you are alive
though you are not living
One summer you had the chance to be happy
you could've been you
but you forgot and desired
now you is gone
now only you remain
but I'm hurt too
because you left me
and I miss you despite my efforts
I wonder why
I take your hand in mine
And whisper the language of love to you
my friend
You look at your hand in mine
And listen to the fluid language I speak
But shake your head
“My friend,
I do not speak that language”
I walk through life
With your shadow casting beside me
I wished that neither I spoke the language of love
But I do. And you don’t
My thoughts filter through the noise of the train
My hand whispers along the railing
On the other side
You wave at me and smile
People sometimes ask me
Why I walk alone on the playground
By myself
I tell them that I'm bored
And usually they scoff at me and walk away
That hurts a little.
I'm cold, all the time
Truth is that I miss him with every fiber in my being
I love him
And he doesn't love me.
They often stare at me
And laugh at me
Based on what I'm wearing that day
Sometimes they whisper behind my back
And say secrets that I never wanted anyone to know
I never knew
Funny how that works
I do so much work into trying to get you to notice
I curl my hair
Clear up my skin
Put on slightly tinted lip balm
Hoping you'll stare at my lips.
But no
My efforts are useless
You'll always be with her
She has blue eyes
Long blonde hair
Skinny waist.
I was a fool to think you'd like me.
I'm just that annoying background character
While your the hero.
I'm the person who gets chosen last
Than before
Much more fragile
When you closed the door.
And left me here
In this huge garden
All alone and afraid
Like you always do.
Much more fragile
When you closed the door
Much more fragile
After you left.
I really love him
He's perfect
He makes me feel happy on the inside
He doesn't really talk to me much
I don't really know why....
Am I annoying?
Am I too stupid?
Am I ugly?
I'm afraid of him sometimes though....
Like he's going to hurt me.
He said that I was "ratchet" the other day
I really felt like crying
But I chose not to.
He hates how I look
My jeans are too tight apparently
My jacket is dirty
There once was a boy
Who had an admiration for another boy
That admiration soon changed into true love
This boy,
He thought
Is perfect in every way
He has brown luscious curls
Deep blue and green eyes
And a voice so smooth and low
He makes me want to kiss him
But this boy
The one whom he loved very much so
Didn't love him
In fact he didn't like him at all
And when this other boy
The one who liked him
I used to love him
So very much
He was the one who hung my moon and stars
He was the one who made me feel happy
Like I meant something
But now I know
His true intentions
I was just a test to him
And I failed
I miss him lots
He makes me feel special
Like I mean something
But then
He got a girlfriend.
Hie kisses her
And hugs her
And makes her feel happy
I want to feel happy too.
But then I realize that I don't deserve it
That he is so perfect
And that no one wants me
No one knows the real me
I walk around the school with fake confidence
I don't let them see the real me
Everyday I put a mask on
So they can't see
Who I really am, on the inside
The Mask Is:
Confident
Happy
Funny
Uplifting
Content
Beautiful
And, most of all,
Okay.
But who I really am is:
I'm fragile.
I don't talk much
No; not at all even
People don't want to figure me out
All I want is a boyfriend
Someone to love me
Someone to curl up with in bed, under all the covers
Watching stupid movies
And kissing.
But wait;
I don't deserve this.
He said he loved me
He really didn't.
He lied, he poked, he punched and hurt me.
He hates me.
I love him
But he doesn't love me.
It's funny how I can care so much about a person
Who wouldn't care if I fell off the face of the earth
They say this kind of love is wrong
That it's bad.
And maybe it is
Hopefully things will change
Hopefully he'll be right there for me
Maybe even love
But certainly not now