You will never again be this alone or alive,
Near your mother lying dead in the breakdown lane,
And you in the travel lane, trying to stand on spindly legs,
A fawn among the speeding headlights, mystified.
How did you get here? who licked you clean?
Will you, too, be hit? If not, who’ll suckle you?
Will a highway crew or highway crows recycle you?
I cannot sleep for thinking of you.
The clouds roll by,
She feels like she is falling,
Farther,
Faster,
Freely,
Falling,
Time keeps moving,
She feels lost,
No way out,
No one to help her,
No end,
Lost,
The seasons change in a blur behind her,
She feels like her life is slipping away,
Fast,
Fading,
She walks across the school campus,
She crys,
Blood drips down her arm,
She wonders how no one sees her,
The school is full of people,
She doesnt notice.....
I see her,
Others see her,
I want to help her,
They want to help her,
She walks away.....
We cry for her,
We wish we could have helped her,
But its too late...
Shes gone.
You say you wanna die,
I know thats a lie,
You say you are ok,
I know thats fake,
You say you don't care,
I say thats not fair,
You say thats alright,
I say thats not ok,
You say "I give up",
I say thats okay
Cause I am here.
I feel my heart flutter in my chest
Its normally quite dead
But somehow
She managed to start it again
I don't take these days for granted
For I know my time is fleeting
I have to make the most if this
Because I know in the bottom of my heart
You'll never be mine
We don't have anything
Nothing but our memories
But even they are washed away
By the Lost Sea
It doesn't matter how much you or I try
Using what little strength I have left
I sit up in these white sheets
You were like a star to me.
You have always been for me.
Either if it's day or night
You cared,loved, protected;
Like a brother, friend
More than a friend;
Yeah, best friend.
Everytime when i look at the stars
That reminds me of you
They say dead souls become stars.
Are you a star ?
Do you still check on me?
I missed you when you were gone
I still do.
So, my dear best friend;
You are the brightest star i knew
Do you know what it feels like?
To have death stalk your thoughts
and follow you more than your own shadow?
to have it haunt you as if everyday is halloween night?
to be so close it that the smell stanches your skin?
to have it mindfuck you every night?
to not want to wake up
and face reality head-one with nothing
but duffel-bag eyes, a tired body and hopes of today being better than yesterday?
Do You?
A few days before the new year 2022,
I haven’t felt anything FUN this year,
Not much has changed, I haven’t felt anything.
NOTHING
No one saw me,
No one talked to me,
No one met me,
No one hear me,
No one love me,
No one wants me, not even myself.
Maybe I just grew up a little bit,
Depressed about death and
Ended up loving someone who didn’t exist
Or
Someone who didn’t know I existed, again.
The cemetery was rather
Asymmetrical.
It sloped easterly,
Uneven, not neat rows
Of the dead.
Marked and unmarked
Some tombs, sarcophaguses
Some graves marble laid
Shining black.
And then, there were plain, cemented ones.
Carved crosses adorned some
Some had plain solid C-R-O-S-S.
Withered wreaths and bouquets lay around.
It was a winter morning
Mist still slept among the graves.
Slipping over the wall
No longer have I settled down on my seat
The wailing would ensue.
Some would be urgent, short and rapid
Some long-drawn, slow, as if it knows
It wouldn’t make any difference anymore.
In the beginning, I used to get up
And look out through the window.
The white vehicles with the mirror image
Of AMBULANCE would flash past
Offering me glimpses
Of faces dark with misery.
There were then other kinds;
Cars, with lights blazing, horn blaring
Squeezing out, weaving through the oncoming rush.
Three-wheeled autorickshaws offered the best view.
There would invariably be one, head leaning on
The riverbank itself is portentous
Of the path ahead.
The squelchy, soggy soil
Sucks in my feet like a cavernous mouth
Of a carnivorous creature.
I am half – willing to be sucked in.
It can hardly be called a river.
Meandering listlessly through this barren land
It is more like a space between two high banks
Flat, with few mounds of debris and sand
Forlorn, looking woebegone
Like refugees weary, resting their limbs.
Ribbons of water run through this space
Shallow, scarcely to wet your toes.
I look around for signs of life –
At the farther side, I spot a bird.
Dear reader, if perchance you happen upon here now,
Move on, with a casual click to somewhere else -
I have nothing to offer, other than a word,
On a pair of dead pigeons.
Move on then, but with a briefest thought
Of the beauty of life that linger even in death
Of the parting of ways that you and I will, one day
Remind yourself that this is how it all ends,
Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Pigeons that you fed
Pigeons that cooed, cozy beneath your roof,
Pigeons that rose with a flutter
To the sky as blue as their wings.
That's all, my dear reader, move on, as I did -
But before you do, step aside as I did
Gently picking the memories up and laying them