He’s worse than a placebo
genetically enhanced to
make my heart race,
make adrenalin rush;
engrave feelings so
Raw
I can’t breathe.
In one slight stroke
all privy revealed
all truths
Known.
And I love it.
In one heart-wrenching movement
exhilaration overtakes all feeling.
The air would feel stuffy,
entwined in soft threads of intensity,
Nowhere to turn,
The walls closing in,
Being there from the start,
Nearing is the end,
Planted firmly in the middle,
My eyes stare straight ahead,
Cognizant of what will result,
If to either side I sway,
At equal speeds they close,
Tension building in the process,
The suffocation I begin to feel,
The painful end seemingly inevitable,
My rapidly beating heart races ever more,
My pulse begins to quicken,
Sweat dripping from my face,
In my stomach knots form,
In the air conditioned room we sat
Facing each other, though not really
Facing each other.
If chanced to catch the other’s eyes
We glanced swiftly away – and then
Would covertly watch each other.
We waited our turn – though having arrived later
I guessed he would go in first.
It was awkward, our faces said, to sit
In nothing but a gown that reached just below our knees
And flaps held together by bits of Velcro.
Sometimes, I saw him demurely pulling down
The gown; the inside of his thighs could be seen.
To the head-capped, green-gowned who passed by now and then
We would have seemed like specimens in the biology lab
Waiting
I am playing ball, you see.
Throw it down, it bounces up
Throw it up, it comes down
Throw it on to the wall
Hey! it comes right back to me.
Tired or bored playing ball
I fling it on the floor
Despondent, it rolls to a corner.
I slump down on a chair
Sit watching the ball.
It looks back at me, sullen.
Glowing red, it takes the shape
Of my heart
Shouts why I wouldn't play ball
With life.
I'm tempted to just smack you across your face.
Your perfect face.
That I've wasted smiling at for years now.
Did you even know that I loved you?
That I dreamt about kissing you senseless,
And wanting you to crave me,
For your heart to ache for me.
I've wasted years on you.
Years I surely won't get back.
Years you teased me,
Planted hope in my heart that would only wither away in the end.
I should slap you.
But you'd probably enjoy that.
Because then you'd win
And you don't deserve that satisfaction.
Some times,
I miss you so much my insides cave in.
Because you were the only thing holding me together.
I have shattered
I loved someone and wished for them to love me
I am broken because that person said no to me
I am torn for this person may never love me
I am broken
Waiting forever,
For her return.
Sitting besides,
A grave.
Mind filled,
Thoughts of her.
Maybe she could've,
Been saved.
Singing a quiet,
Lonely song.
About a girl,
Who lost her heart.
Her existence,
Became wrong.
So she ran,
To the dark.
Eye capturing,
Yet deceiving.
Soul,
Madness,
Whole,
Disaster.
Heart entrapped,
Mind enraptured.
Unknown,
Feelings,
Just utter,
Longing.
Loving,
Leaving.
Sad,
Endings,
Loving you and knowing, you won’t, hurts
Crying deep within, but a broad smile on the face, hurts
Not being a part of the special day, hurts
Wishing for your happiness, at the cost of my tears, hurts
Looking into the wall to find you with the others, hurts
More than a decade, but breaking heart in 10 seconds, hurts
Realization of not being a part of your life, hurts
Not able to share the feelings, hurts
You being like others, who left, hurts
You not choosing me, hurts
Moreover, it hurts that these things are not even half of what the mind feels!
There was a time
The sound in my chest was soft
The clapping of flesh on blood
Soft and moist
But that was when I had a heart
Human it was
But the pain it brought me
Great and Sad
And now,
All I hear is screeching
A heart of stone
Hard and Dry
Like the grinding of granite on ice
The ice that now flows through me
The ice that now flows in my vein
That afternoon my heart stopped when yours did
I couldn't breath and the tears started
It was no ones fault and we shouldn't be sad
because you wouldn't want us to be
but when I think I'm never going to see you on the sidewalk or at school, my heart breaks all over again and wish this was all a bad dream
I want more than anything to run into you and give you a hug and tell you how pretty you look and ask how your day is
You were a beautiful human being and you made your mark on this world
June 5th, 2017 was the day you left and took a piece of everyone with you. I hope you're doing well homie