I took in a breath of fresh air,
The fire inside was bright,
But you came and blew it out,
And that killed my light,
All I have is smoke,
Swirling in my heart,
Hot enough to be re-lit,
But not hot enought to start,
The day you blew my love away,
I was cold and afraid,
Because when you chose to love me,
The fire inside me stayed,
All I have is smoke,
Bellowing in my chest,
And as I remember our love,
I realise I was blessed,
Empty, that's how i feel.
These blank pages stare at me and beg to be filled
What do i draw?
What do i write?
I got no passion in me
I got no joy
No hope
Nothing but the abyss of your absence.
When did it happen?
Since when did i need someone to be who i am?
Helping them, making them smile, living for them, it used to be natural for me.
Now, it feels like a task; like its a burden to be me.
Yet, it makes sense
How can i spread happiness when i ain't got it inside me?
Where did it get lost, i wonder?
Maybe it's safe with you.
Looking up at the overcast sky, wondering if my smile will return I pretend to play with my friends as I sway into solitude.
I stand alone in the house that raised me. Its walls that nursed me in my youth, the carpeted floors that broke my falls as it taught me to walk. Walking along the hollow halls that echoed loving calls...and warmth. I start to trace its barriers and guide rails in its diminishing light.
'Mum!'
My muffled screams echo back at me
It chokes me, swelling my tears
'Help me!' Words escape me as I fail to see. Again
'Where are you!' My voice falters as fading light defends me
I grab the needle,
And I grab some thread,
Beginning to think I am better off dead.
The needle pokes my skin,
And the thread tugs it even more,
The pain is the only thing that is known for sure.
I stitch up my lips together,
And I know am doing myself harm,
As my eyes wonder to the cuts on my arms.
The thread is stained with blood,
As is the cold floor,
But I can't seem to feel the pain anymore.
The time has come,
And I know what to do,
But can I let go of this life, and you?
Dear little girl,
who appears to me nightly,
and keeps me wondering
why I keep on fighting
when I know I'll never change.
A broken promise beside water as it flows
"Promise me you'll never tell."
and sighs just right in adolescent 'innocence'.
Dear little girl,
who sees me dreaming about you
don't you know I think about you too
every night and day,
"I don't see another way."
Dear little girl,
who I now know is me,
do you know I don't love you
No matter the ones surrounding me,
Outside these walls I built for myself,
Blocked out from me,
My thoughts,
And I away from Myself.
Nobody understands this is the way it must be,
That I must always be alone.
To protect them from me,
I must always be alone.
Just let me go.
I have no choice but to leave.
It may seem hard now,
But soon you will learn to breath,
Without my help..
I protected you,
And in a way you protected me.
Yet nothing gold stays,
And it will take time before we can be,
Together again..
When I look back,
I see how everything was bad.
When I try to compare,
I see the life I never had.
Lost in the lies,
That I had considered the truth.
But then I was brought out of the dark,
And gave away my youth.
I worked and tried my best,
To protect her and I.
At a young age,
I learned not to let anyone see me cry.
I fought for her innocence,
And as far as I know, I have won.
But along the way I became angry,
Because she had something I want.
I can't help it
That I'm always sad
Or always hurt
Forever tormenting myself
Constantly lonely
Continuously friendless
Deliberately confused
That's all I know how to be. They're the only emotions I know
The only ones I'mcomfortable with
All I can be are this things
Because when I'm not
I'm scared
It's like being in an unknown area
No matter how good for you it might be
You have to admit that your lost
And you never know what might happen next
I was so unaware smiling was accumulated with pain
You steadily, continuously, harshly
Drilled pain into me
And then you say
"Smile"
I didn't know after being hurt so bad
You're suppose to smile
Yet I'm unable to tell you my feelings
Of pain, anger and sorro
My tears once again flow after months of keeping them in
My sad life is finally back
No one notices your pain
No one cares how you feel
No one wants to stay by your side
No one
Not until they see the scars
The ones you cut into your skin
Weather it was to get rid of the pain inside
Or to get someone to start caring
Either way you did it
And all of a sudden your old friends
Become new friends
They try to comfort you
But it's out of pity
They see you as a pitiful, weak, sad little thing
And in some cases a toy