Than before
Much more fragile
When you closed the door.
And left me here
In this huge garden
All alone and afraid
Like you always do.
Much more fragile
When you closed the door
Much more fragile
After you left.
I really love him
He's perfect
He makes me feel happy on the inside
He doesn't really talk to me much
I don't really know why....
Am I annoying?
Am I too stupid?
Am I ugly?
I'm afraid of him sometimes though....
Like he's going to hurt me.
He said that I was "ratchet" the other day
I really felt like crying
But I chose not to.
He hates how I look
My jeans are too tight apparently
My jacket is dirty
There once was a boy
Who had an admiration for another boy
That admiration soon changed into true love
This boy,
He thought
Is perfect in every way
He has brown luscious curls
Deep blue and green eyes
And a voice so smooth and low
He makes me want to kiss him
But this boy
The one whom he loved very much so
Didn't love him
In fact he didn't like him at all
And when this other boy
The one who liked him
I used to love him
So very much
He was the one who hung my moon and stars
He was the one who made me feel happy
Like I meant something
But now I know
His true intentions
I was just a test to him
And I failed
I miss him lots
He makes me feel special
Like I mean something
But then
He got a girlfriend.
Hie kisses her
And hugs her
And makes her feel happy
I want to feel happy too.
But then I realize that I don't deserve it
That he is so perfect
And that no one wants me
No one knows the real me
I walk around the school with fake confidence
I don't let them see the real me
Everyday I put a mask on
So they can't see
Who I really am, on the inside
The Mask Is:
Confident
Happy
Funny
Uplifting
Content
Beautiful
And, most of all,
Okay.
But who I really am is:
I'm fragile.
I don't talk much
No; not at all even
People don't want to figure me out
All I want is a boyfriend
Someone to love me
Someone to curl up with in bed, under all the covers
Watching stupid movies
And kissing.
But wait;
I don't deserve this.
He said he loved me
He really didn't.
He lied, he poked, he punched and hurt me.
He hates me.
I love him
But he doesn't love me.
It's funny how I can care so much about a person
Who wouldn't care if I fell off the face of the earth
They say this kind of love is wrong
That it's bad.
And maybe it is
Hopefully things will change
Hopefully he'll be right there for me
Maybe even love
But certainly not now
These flowers upon my head
Represent all the important things never said
All the things that should've changed
But didn't
I've never done anything to them,
I don't think.
I've never said bad things about them behind they're back
Or whispered secrets when they weren't around
I've never done any of that.
Why do they hate me?
Sometimes I miss having him around,
Feeling his warmth,
His voice,
His mind,
And his soul.
He made me happy,
I felt like no one could hurt me.
But now,
Since he's gone,
I don't know what to feel now,
I'm lost in an eternal garden of sadness,
And he's not here to lead the way out.
But now I'm not even sure if I actually miss him,
The only thing I miss now is the memories we shared
They say I'm too weak
Too broken
Too different
To be strong.
And even though that's all true
I'm fragile
I'm weak
And not many people care
They're just either curious
Or want to hurt me.
I've given up on love
Nothing works
All they ever do is hurt me
Like I'm they're prey
I don't want to hurt anyone
I just want to make them happy.