Sometimes I wonder
"How could anyone love me?"
With all my flaws
And quirks.
How could I even let someone love me
When I couldn't even love myself?
Please let me go
From this hell
The chains are cold and cruel
They hurt
I can't feel anything anymore
I'm lost
And I'm not really here.
I'm somewhere else
I don't know where
Or how I got here
It's just that they told me I can't leave
It's a one way ticket
A ticket to all of my nightmares
So a new kid came in class today
He was really nice
And funny
And like able
And handsome.
Everyone says that he's like a better version of me
Slightly shorter
Funnier
More athletic
Nicer
Happier
Actually attractive.
This made me feel like I am some sort of defected clone.
Ugly
Mess-up
I guess I'm a mistake then
Sometimes people ask me,
Why I talk to myself so much,
I tell them that I have imaginary friends,
Often, they'll look at me weird and walk away,
But they never ask me the reason why I have imaginary friends,
The reason I have imaginary friends is because sometimes real people are mean,
They don't appreciate me for who I am,
So I have imaginary friends,
They don't judge me,
They don't make fun of me,
They're nice to me,
That is why I have imaginary friends,
Because real friends,
Are mean
You are my future
My everything
My heartache,
Heartbreak.
My flaws
And my imperfections
You are my past
Present
And my future
My thoughts
My mistakes
My reality
My wants
My needs
My everything
You are my world
Days passed like a common cold
Seasons changed,
But in it all, time stood still.
That moment when our eyes first met,
When our hands touched
When our voices became one
When our lips first touched
When our bodies became one.
When our lives use to be one!
Months passed,
Leaves on the trees began loosing there color.
Every shade began to darken
Years passed,
Everything has lost its color.
No more sunshine,
No more rain fall,
One moment its hugs and kisses
The next its silence and cold hard looks.
Wrapped in your arms one second
Pushing me away the next minute.
Making love one day
Next day silence and distance.
Hours later, back to hugs and kisses
Seconds after, pulling away from my embrace.
Sleeping in the same bed
But you turn and pull away from me.
Stare into my eyes
But you do not recognize me.
Kiss me
Feel me
Hold me
But still you do not see me
I stared into your eyes and said three words
Smiled and kissed to confirm my oath.
Walked through rubbles of our flaws
Patched up our broken walls, with passion and desire.
Pushed through minor and major mistakes.
I kissed you when my lips had secrets
Unspoken, hidden deceit that broke us.
Pushed us back to square one.
Time and time again, like a book with many pages
But the same story repeated
Over and over again.
Same foolish mistakes clouded by naive wants
Wants that can't be nor can't have.
Clouds to thick that I can't see passed
To see what I already have.
It's been like a year or something
I regret I don't remember
Stranded after school together
It was probably December
We were talking future shit
Now we're fucking losing it
My mistake, my memory is terrible
But I recount you had the boots and jacket on
You know, the ones you always wear
Apologies, for I wish I could give you what you want from me
Honestly, honesty is key
And I would die before I lie to to you
I'm sorry, but I hope you hate me
when we remembered silver glass
mind ice and intimate the summer
is spent in swimming the
rose light plastered in your
hair i hold my arms at my side
we were building the water all
through the spring waiting for
the eighth day by their count
the weight of a country walk the october
rhythm will surprise us spilling
symbols all over the flatland
when you told me you could no
longer remember my name and
i was talking no longer than the rain
was no longer falling or
the romantic abyss we wanted to avoid
People ask around
"How are you? "
"How was your day?"
I used to be honest
But life wasn't easy on me
It taught me to love with all my heart
But to suffer for it
twice as hard
But life wasn't the only one
Others also taught me a lot
But most times what stuck
Was what hurt
My parents and brother...
They taught me a lot,
But what stuck?
It stuck that I talk too fast
It's gone
It's broken
It's disappeared
Was damaged
Was falling
Was full of tears
Nothing
No one there
No one cared
Kept falling
Kept crying
Kept drifting off
Lost hope
Lost faith
Lost all the trust
Resurrection?