Just a cut,
Just a scratch,
"What's that mark?"
"It was just the cat."
Just an excuse,
Just another lie,
"What is with all the bracelets?"
"Just fashion, why?"
Just a tear,
Just a scream,
"Why were you crying?"
"Just a bad dream,"
But it's not just a cut,
Or a tear or a lie,
It's always 'just one more'
Until you die.
Powder your nose
Paint your toes
Line your lips
and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs
Dot your eyes
And Never let them see you cry.
If everything had a name,
I'D name you the Rain,
Because all you do is create storm clouds in people's eyes.
If your personality had a name,
I'd name it Confused,
Because you can't ever make up your mind.
If our love had a name,
I'd name it Failing,
Because it feels like we aren't together.
If I had a name,
I'd name myself Sad,
Because that's what you did to me.
If my personality had a name,
I'd name it Strong and Fighting,
Because that's what I do to stay on my feet. But I know I can do better.
People ask if I'm okay
I don't want to lie
But I know I'm not okay
They are my friends
And I'm happy they are
But I'm not the Happy Little Girl
I used to be
I fake smiles and laughs
Good thing you guys haven't seen my true self
You haven't seen Reality
It destroys you
Like a Grenade
Inside your heart
That breaks you down
Reality isn't gonna go easy on you
But now it's tearing me and I can't stop it
Looking forward into the past,
I see events that will always last.
Sleepless thoughts held in day dreams,
slumbering visions with hellish screams.
Some pain I earned, some came free,
how long will it torture me?
Is there an escape that will come in time?
Or will I be condemned by my own mind?
I avoid the mirror and things of vanity,
as I'm slowly losing my own sanity.
Yes I'm slipping day by day,
as my life slowly fades away.
My food tastes bland and has no smell.
Is this my life? Or is this Hell?
All the colors are bleeding into one,
I feel death's chill with each new sun.
I've never seen anyone take their last breath
but I've stood toe to toe with multitudes of death.
With every new toe tag my humanity fell
and my emotions seemed to fall into a well.
A well that was empty without pain, sorry or grief.
And I was left numb to others pains, happy or positive beliefs.
Trauma,tragedy and memories I'll never forget took over me.
Along with the life long curse of PTSD.
My medications mask it and it helps to an extent.
Now and then I'll play You tubes that make me cry.
As my own personal way to download and vent.
My heart still goes out to all my comrades that fell.
And I'd do the same job again even though it left me in Hell...
Choose life until your last breath.
Choose life until you hear the Other calling.
Choose life while the lights are on and your eyes still focus.
Choose life while your heart beats out your days.
Choose life while your mind still has questions.
Choose life until you must, for intensely personal reasons,
Choose death.
And, then, let death come,
Ride it like a wave,
As the dawn of day comes in without you
Ride it through the torrential down pour of grief that will follow you.
Know that I will wear your sweaters,
And I will wipe my tears on your sleeves.
I will smell your clothes.
I will cook your favorite dishes.
I will bath in your shower.
she was in love
but in the end she'd never say
she could ever hate him
he kept her from believing
that she was nothing
reminded her always
of her worth
he cared little
and it was clear
to him
that she always would belong
marking with his hands
a pattern on her skin
while lighting the cigarette that burns
between his loosened lips
a confession of love slips
"it's late,"
you whisper,
rolling over in bed
your eyes are tired
your eyes are red
"i'm sorry,"
i mumble,
though it's not fully true
i'd rather be miles away
i'd rather never face you
"i'll see you tomorrow?"
she'd asked with a smile,
hoping that i'll stay
she ran her hands though my hair
she ran my heart astray
"goodnight,"
the paint is fresh
spread across once white walls
lavender blue, lavender green
the prettiest colors ever seen
the paint is dry
with marks of time
crayons and pencils and burns
from life and its twists and turns
the paint chips away
old, worn out
the drywall behind is bare
no one is left to care
Lovely is it not?
In silence you get lost.
Covered in solitary frost.
Will I ever be caught?
It's not isn't it?
To mute your voice
With the fear of making a final choice.
Never been happy, even just a bit.
Have you ever used Novocain?
Feel nothing
Even if you're supposed to feel something.
Like forgetting the taste of candy cane.
Have you ever been in love?
With another person?
Never have I ever have such feeling with no rhyme or reason.
I lost what was sent from above.
It is still here, still present in my mind.
The neglect, the rejection.
Never dying. Only growing stronger with every tear.
Like a virus, a cancer, it taunts.
Beginning in my heart, it spreads across my chest in a sheet of smooth, constant pain seeking to reach, to poison my soul.
OR, could it be my soul is already sick?
Unable to restrain this emotion, or UNWILLING?
Is it so that I have become accustomed to this way of living?
How do I become FREE FROM MYSELF?
This cage of sensitivity that
causes me to feel and experience every memory of rejection
that my mind possesses, and recalls the pain from each one simultaneously.
I know, this is only a moment, and soon my cage will be opened