I studied your face
Fell in love
With your perfections
That you call flaws
Your perfectly lined jawbone
Your captivating blue eyes
I remember that day
Because that's when I realized
I'd rather be here
For the rest of my life
And nowhere else
I remember
All those faded freckles over your nose
The slight green and silver in your eyes
Your chocolate brown hair
I remember it all
In the distance
I see your lighthouse
Once a friend
Once a spouse
You reach for me through your light
I can see your sun in the dark of night
Once a friend
Twice a spouse
Waves of not water but wine
Deeply wanting to make you mine
Still
I see your lighthouse shine
Once a friend
Finally
Eternal spouse
Love.
Fight.
Assumed different always
They are the same
I am both, I do both.
My love is only paralleled by my battle for those in my life
You could have them both
I would love you if only you would ask
But you don't ask, you won't ask
In these the darkest of my nights you are the moon, and I the wolf
I call to you plead for your light to remain in my sight
But you don't hear, you won't hear
I fight these dark battles alone, but not truly
You fight them with me
But you don't know, you won't know
I would run to you if ever you'd cry
It doesn't have to be her
But it is.
I didn't have to learn her
But I did.
I didn't have to meet her
But I did.
I didn't have to see her
But I did.
I don't have to love her
But I do.
so near and caring
so far and so daring
the love of both is more than can be withheld by the cage of bones chest I've been given
the warmth is available to me by my sun that beautiful body that makes me feel alive
the distance and serenity of those stars tempting me into a chase I'll never win
to stay with one is to leave the other entirely
and with it the part of my solemn heart that belongs there
embrace the sun and i can't stand the heat
run with the stars and my mind wanders to that ambient glow of day
the expanse of the stars so full that you can be nowhere but in it's shadow unseen
the sun will care for me and I should stay here
life tells of the sun
but curiosity chases the stars
i feel your arms around me and i embrace you
your head pressed against my chest
flecks of your makeup brush onto my shirt
i could care less if my shirt bears the stains
you feel unwell but i feel at peace holding you for the first time
i want you to feel better and the same i don't want you to leave
as you press against my torso with your arms around my back
i gently hold you feeling the curvature of your lower back
your hair brushing over my arm the smell of you so particular
i've never experienced this before i've never experienced you before
even as the moment ends and you recover enough to stand alone
it never ends for me still playing now as i remember you on that night
Blue
It's your favorite color
It's the splash of your laugh
It's the happiness I feel with you
White
It's our innocence
Its you knowing how I feel
It's us laying nonetheless
Grey
It's the mixed signals
Its me trying to understand
It's me failing
Red
It's hugs, arms around you
It's you and her
It's me watching in the wooden seat
I watched you
As the waves rolled by
Crashing on rocks
I watched you
I watched you
As you danced with the water
Your smile contrasting
I watched you
I watched you
On the edge of the shore
Toes in the water
I watched you
I watched you
With your polka-dot legs
Longer than class without you
I watched you
I wish,
that I could
carry you in my pocket all day,
Like some little good luck charm,
Or a leaf,
That has some exquisite venation
that you find
deep in the woods
where there's no one around
to hear you rustle around in the dead leaves,
in order to find the one that's
just barely clinging to life,
But it's the perfect shade of green
to describe just how lucky you feel
to have someone who loves you
Inexplicably
i had
the sweetest dream about you
Yesterday.
You were wearing
those clothes
that show
your strong muscles
beneath your smooth skin
and you had that crooked smile
the one
that first starts as a twitch
of the corners of your lips
and ends in this comical expression
that gives me butterflies
that rummage around in my stomach
searching for some ounce of an opening so that to find their way out
Why do you do these things to my heart?
You pull me in and hold me close,
And just when I've burned your image into my brain,
You let go.
Disappearing into the haze surrounding my thoughts-
and for a while I don't know what to do.
It's strange to not need someone and to need them all at once-
To want to push them away and hold them close at the same time.
It's true that things were never supposed to turn out this way,
Friends, right?
Always friends-
who never admit the things we thought or said or breathed in hushed whispers over the phone lines because we were too afraid to be heard.
Always friends-
Sometimes I want nothing more,
Than to be the one who has given you a reason to smile,
I've tried to erase the image of you from my brain,
I've tried a hundred times,
To take the giant eraser of my mind,
And erase,
The smell of your too strong cologne-
Which is, by far, not too strong now,
As my nose tries to grasp on to a scent
Too strong from two years ago.
I've tried to erase the idea of you from my brain,
But it's almost like a punishment,
Like scraping gum off the bottoms of desks in high school,
You are the gooey gum,
Stuck to the desks of my mind,
And no matter what,
No matter how hard I scrape,
Little bits and pieces of you stay in the filaments of my brain,