I haven't slept all night,
Using video games and anime to clear my mind.
I can already hear the birds chirping.
The night has not been kind.
I thought the darkness would help me see,
But I couldn't see at all.
I thought I could somehow be free,
But my eyes have yet to fall.
I've been awake all night,
Thoughts continually flowing through my head.
My eyes are being weighed down,
They're the weight of lead.
I've been questioning my sanity,
Can a nyctophilliac love anything but darkness?
Can this insomniac,
Achieve some sort of bliss?
The cloud look bright,
Everyone is happy,
In that day,
But when the cloud turning grey,
Everyone in tears,
Storm everywhere,
Trying to hit someone,
Look,
The cloud control you,
Whether in bright or grey,
And you just let them,
Let them control yourself.
Forever.
I can tell you what I think, I'm just scared
I can do what I want to, I'm just scared
scared of what you might say
what you might do
I'm scared that you're gonna give up like the others
that you are gonna leave me
that you'll turn around and never look back
I knew it would happen at some point
I just didn't think it would be this soon
I'm sorry but I left first without a proper goodbye
I hate myself for that
I'm just scared
Forever is a word I never want to hear
Its scary and a really long time
If you say it to my I wouldn't know how to react
Normally I would go and say no and put my own self esteem down
I would probably change the subject
Or leave
You wouldn't care really no-one would
'If I died what would you do?'
I asked you that and you changed the subject.
What does that mean?
Because I dont know
Does that mean you just didnt want to answer it or did you feel like you couldn't for the answer that you would give
Please tell me
But dont tell me 'forever'
As it closes in they run, wolves.
The fire won’t just burn
It strips the earth in a fast paced run
Are you fast? Swift?
You can’t beat it to the mountain
To the cool sheets that a wait you there, rain.
The soothing feel of rain,
Or the gnawing teeth of a wolf?
Escape this churning world; a crevice in the mountain
Until you feel that need, that burn.
Again you’re running, light and swift.
Your body slowly gives, no longer can you run.
Is that your only option, to run?
To dream of the harsh kiss of rain.
But in this moment, you’re not swift
The tearing, ripping wolf
Seconds away from the breathing
That I’ve come to set my rhythm to
Drunken paradise and poetic reverie
Burning holes in pockets, side winding bottle rockets
No one in the darkness
Just a pointed finger
And some apathy
Dripping nose no longer
But I am speeding just the same
Home grown and lower tone
Then anyone, then anything
I come to see you through the lights
Holding hands with dynamite
But in that picture
It’s not the image
That I’ve grown accustomed to
Precipitation oozes down
the windshield –
dead eye stare.
Jolted back mind.
Every previous rainfall
strung together,
in a flicker past.
Present hopelessly lost,
replaced by a better picture.
Young rain down face.
Wish in the memory
I wasn't alone to wander street.
Thought sent elsewhere
when there was someone
heard through cold receiver.
The chord
Strip away the house of ideas.
The heavy apparatus of moving parts breathe down our necks.
Each panel of thought mined until
we stand bare.
Children pulse w/ wisdom from within –
they are collected and reprocessed to formula.
The machines listen and wait –
crimes of conversation whispered
w/ fear.
Eyes appear next door
and on the corners.
A piece of architecture
disappears each day.
Sign posts of something new appear
(some say it is old.)
But grandparents must take their leave
A spectacle of hard shapes.
Subtle delusion arouses me.
Drink up the town,
mad reason bleeds pure.
Eyes begin to dart,
speak in run-on.
Head is a storage for sweat -
everything closes in.
Crooked painting hangs
over broke beat typewriter.
Smoke sails into patterns.
Blink into new temptation.
Burn up candles all night,
wait for you.
Anxiousness inside,
eyes linger on walls.
'Hey, how are you?'
The question I dread to hear
The thought process behind answering it can go on for years
Don't worry I'm fine.
Wait am I crying.
Or am I slowly dieing.
I really don't know you put me on the spot
I wish I could redirect the question to you
But I can't it's a little bit to late for that
My mind is rushing from positive to negative
The good and bad things in my life
I can eat I'm not Ill I have a great family
I can't eat I'm mentally ill my family is a mess
My body wants to give up and let go
But I can't let you know
I've got a gallon of emotions
How am I supposed to ask for help
When I fear I'll just be a burden?
Please.
I need your help
To bring me back down.
Please.
You have to help me
Reach the ground.