I grab the needle,
And I grab some thread,
Beginning to think I am better off dead.
The needle pokes my skin,
And the thread tugs it even more,
The pain is the only thing that is known for sure.
I stitch up my lips together,
And I know am doing myself harm,
As my eyes wonder to the cuts on my arms.
The thread is stained with blood,
As is the cold floor,
But I can't seem to feel the pain anymore.
The time has come,
And I know what to do,
But can I let go of this life, and you?
I can't help it
That I'm always sad
Or always hurt
Forever tormenting myself
Constantly lonely
Continuously friendless
Deliberately confused
That's all I know how to be. They're the only emotions I know
The only ones I'mcomfortable with
All I can be are this things
Because when I'm not
I'm scared
It's like being in an unknown area
No matter how good for you it might be
You have to admit that your lost
And you never know what might happen next
I was so unaware smiling was accumulated with pain
You steadily, continuously, harshly
Drilled pain into me
And then you say
"Smile"
I didn't know after being hurt so bad
You're suppose to smile
Yet I'm unable to tell you my feelings
Of pain, anger and sorro
My tears once again flow after months of keeping them in
My sad life is finally back
No one notices your pain
No one cares how you feel
No one wants to stay by your side
No one
Not until they see the scars
The ones you cut into your skin
Weather it was to get rid of the pain inside
Or to get someone to start caring
Either way you did it
And all of a sudden your old friends
Become new friends
They try to comfort you
But it's out of pity
They see you as a pitiful, weak, sad little thing
And in some cases a toy
I'm happy and depressed
Mad and sad
Lonely and suffocated
Wanting to cry but to aware of the fakeness of these tears
Wanting to thrash around but staying as still as a statue
Afraid of living but tired of dying
This is my cry for help
Because I'm unable speak up
Always showing a smile but speaking violently
Hating my thoughts but loving my opinions
Scared of the dark but i fell for the black space that surrounds me
I'm as silent as a mouse while i scream for help at the top of my lungs
Please help me let me solve my own problems
I'm not bipolar my emotions are always together
A marriage of 4 that never divorces
Breaking me into one piece
I thought I let you know I found someone who can hurt me better
It was fun when I thought about loving again
What a weird thought to start the day.
Like thinking about wine or champagne when you're still hung-over,
Or like thinking about that sitcom everybody but you hates.
Pain is a thing that people must face anyway,
I mean, isn't pain part of the package deal?
I remembered when she held me years ago
Her hands were as cold as uncooked cordon blu.
I think she was scared or maybe it was me
I dunno, I couldn't remember.
That was great.
Well, at least I held her hand
It even took me a bloody month.
Love is a dreadful concoction
It's amazing how people like to keep on drinking.
Soberiety comes like a stab to the side,
it starts in your chest doesn't it?
then it flows to the rest of your body
like an ocean waves
splashing tidal waves inside your bones
washing over your soul
it curls around your fingertips
slipping up and down your arms
dripping down your stomach to your legs
it feels good
it feels numbing
the more splashing and crashing
against your heart
your lungs
your bones
your soul
it feels amazing
you sit quietly
as if no one can hear
no one hears your cries
your cries of silent pain
shh
keep a finger to your lips
you can't express this pain
the pain held inside
be quiet now
or they will hear
and lie about helping
helping your silent pain
listen to me
it's best to be quiet
quiet about the screams
that escape the demons inside
if i told you i am scared,
would you believe my lie?
if i told you i am happy,
would you believe i cry?
if i told you i feel pain,
would you believe me?
if i told you i can hear,
hear the voices of the rain,
would you finally understand?
if i begged you to understand,
would you?
could you?
if i promised to show you,
show you the hidden world inside my mind,
would you promise to not be scared?
if i told you i am happy,
as i sit on my bathroom floor
the bubbling inside me subsides
as i let the warm water caress me
i cry
i let it flow out
i let the ocean waves of pain flow
i don't tell anybody about my showers
it's the only time i get
to think
to wonder
to feel
to feel the words said
or thought about me
to feel the looks and sounds engulf me
i let myself cry
but i don't cry normally anymore
First hypothesis.
There's beauty in pain.
How ?
Second hypothesis.
Well, thus beauty can only be totally seen when you heal.
Third hypothesis.
But I guess you can have an overview on the way.
During the weird journey of healing.