Maybe it was the way he talked,
Or maybe it was his eyes,
Maybe it was the way he walked,
Like a true dream full of lies.
Maybe I was too weak and timid,
For those words I couldn't say to him,
Because his eyes made me lose control,
And made the light in my brain go dim.
Maybe he knew I fell for him,
Maybe he did not,
Maybe I was nothing for him,
Maybe I was all that he got.
I don't know the reasons ,
I know just the words,
That have changed my past and present,
And have locked me up in my own world.
To carry on with life is hard.
The temptation to end it always lurking behind a shadow.
Have you reached out to it yet?
Called its name?
Asked it to kill you and make it all go away?
Trust me I haven't,
Been tempted but no.
They say I have too much to live for,
All those people who follow behind me.
Beg me to take them and make them mine,
Tell me I'm perfect and everything they want.
But I tell myself its lies,
None of it's true.
I'm far from perfect,
Why won't you admit it?
I scream in my head for release that will never come,
Will our confusion ever end?
Or is it destined to continue?
Because the way we are now,
Seems like an unending loop.
Can I end my own pain?
Or do I have to live like this?
Will you end it all for me?
Dissipate it's existence?
Can I live without the pain?
I think I keep it around to know I'm alive.
I kind of like it now.
To know I feel even though it hurts so much.
But when you make me feels,
It's never pain....
Always pleasure, how do you do it?
Make me feel beautiful, when on the inside I'm scarred and bruised.
Searching for the right path in life.
But I'm over everything and more.
It all looks like it should,
Me looking happy and things looking right.
But I'm dying inside I need something else.
My drug isn't here and I need another addiction to satisfy my needs.
What happens when you die more and more inside over something that shouldn't be there?
Can you not just say I want it all to end?
To be done with everything and move on,
Just kill the source of your problems......Yourself?
Not any more
Will I stand here and let myself be hurt over and over again.
Be confused again and again about the little things.
Not any more
I will I take the lead
I want to let it all drag me along
Torn and
Tattered.
I lay
Discarded
Trampled
By your dirty
feet.
Your soles
Stained
by my unseen
Blood.
Washed
away
by the
drip-
ing
I used to be happy
But then I was naïve
I would act stupid
And think myself brave
Used to watch the stars
Glimmering ever so bright
Now I draw the curtains
To shut out all light
My eyes used to sparkle
They would dance, they would gleam
Now I just bite down my lip
And try not to scream
My lips, they would curve
Into a smile on their own
But that was before
Now they part to groan
If you ask me how I am
And I say that I'm fine
I'd only be delivering
a well-practiced line
My smile would be fake
And it wouldn't reach my eyes
Yet you'll be assured
By my fluidly spoken lies
You would look no further
And happily believe
That I was content,
Had no reason to grieve
Thus I would be safe
Tucked behind my armour, my disguise
And would be vulnerable to none
But come, at what price?
How often have I felt like a withering rose
In a scorching desert where nothing else grows
My sole companions being the sun and the sand
While I grew thorny, unused to the foreign land
My petals turning browner by the day
The wind shoving past screaming, "You come in the way!"
The sun glowed brighter, grew bigger as I swayed
The final wind knocked me down and there I stayed
I don't know why or how, but there's an invisible bird cage surrounding me.
Limiting where I can go.
Nothing is actually stopping me.
It's almost like an invisible force that I can't stop.
It traps me.
At first it was rather large so I didn't mind.
But with each passing day, it feels like it's getting smaller and shrinking around me.
I can't help but wonder, is this the end?
Will I forever remain trapped inside this cage with all those whom I despise?
The ones who don't understand.
The ones who don't care and spat insults.
The ones who can leave the cage at will.
Why am I stuck here?
And just when did the cage first form?
I will never know the answers.
I am a captive within my own neighborhood.
As a child, there are things I just couldn’t know,
that “love” is a nightingale held aloft by a hundred pale lies,
that these frigid winged creatures are often just for show.
As a teen there was nothing I thought I didn’t know
except that forever can still mean never sometimes.
As an adult there is still so much I admit I’ll never know
but “love” is a nightingale held aloft by a hundred pale lies.
These concepts
When under the influence
One just reaches
For a bottle
And carefully retains
A distant memory
In some foreign region
Of the brain
Which only altered states
Can navigate
A ceiling fan
Brushes much needed
Attention
To the cavalier way
Time has rendered everything
Transparent
Where did you go and how did it flow
From dark camps into mission statements
Triggers arrive like bullets fly
Around my head and thru embankments
Tussle and stare down the evil at hand
Rivers bending around deserted land
Fires burning from within my chest
Because you have come marching home
Yet marching home is what I do best
It’s what I do best
Rootless and impressed by
The damage that’s incurred by
The nightly dance of fingers pressed
Into the flesh that’s healed by
All that’s dressed and ready
Just to be left on standby