As I think about my day
As I think about my decisions
As I think about my life
As I think about my friends
As I think about my family
As I think about my lost friends
As I think about everything
I doubt myself
I hurt myself
I punish myself
I hate myself
But the more I think
The more I realize
They aren't the toxic ones,
I am.
They left me because they had to
When people talk about depression
About loneliness
About that dark place that infests all our minds,
They equate it to drowning
I say false,
It is not drowning
But rather being lost at sea
Drowning is pain,
Drowning is struggle,
Drowning is impulse and the bodies reaction to what happening,
Drowning is the path to death.
Now,
Being lost at sea is closer I think.
Being lost at sea is suffering,
Being lost at sea is pain,
Being lost at sea is struggle,
I want to talk to you but how can I?
I'm still broken
Although I'm getting better
How can I talk to you,
When your mind is still a muddle
And you don't know what you want?
It would only end in more pain,
Pain for you and for me,
Brought about by our mutual confusion.
Oh how I wish that I could talk to you,
That I could hold you in my arms.
Lay with you looking up at the stars.
I hate what has happened to us.
I hate that you won't talk to me.
I hate that I cannot bring myself to utter the first words.
I hate that I am afraid to...
A pain in my chest
Too strong to deal with,
I try to cut it out.
Saved by a loved one
But sent away to be with the insane
I tried to get better,
Listening to the others like me,
Helping when I could.
I stopped thinking about her,
At least to the extent I had before.
Most thoughts were of memories,
The good times we had shared,
Not the bad
I has happier though I missed her greatly.
But then the world came back,
The flashing lights,
Is it cold
I say
As I wipe the tears away
My life is such a waste
I wish I could just pray
But no, I'm not religious
And that fact will stay
For my motto is to give up
And just live another day.
I can't get you out of my head when I know I should,
They say I should forget you but only If I could.
You're always on my mind,
Even when you're un-kind.
She's all that you think about,
But you still have a doubt.
You asked me for advice about her,
But I'm sorry, Sir.
I can't help you there.
The tears still shine,
The moon still glows.
They seem brighter,
With tears in my eyes.
When i cry,
a memory of us leaves me,
A memory i wish i had never had,
A memory i wish i shouldnt have to remember.
But know they're nearly all gone,
And soon, very soon they'll be all gone.
And i'll be able to smile,
Without a care in the world
the times i smile,
are the times when your no where to be found.
the times when i'm with another,
the times when i'm with my best friend.
when we can just be us,
when we can just mess around.
But i can't do that when your around.
For once i'm happy,
but then you find away,
away to bring me down,
down to the ground.
where you and me are equal,
where you can cause me pain.
Where i can never be happy.
So long as your around.
So long as your smiling,
I can never smile too
It didnt hurt back then,
but it sure hurts now.
Now that i know i'm leaving,
But not just for a day.
This time i'm leaving for good.
i see you smiling,
and cant help but smile too.
you were my best friend,
but times have changed.
And now your with him.
the man i used too love.
i wish you the best,
and hope you dont get hurt,
the way i did.