I thought you were a tornado
I thought you would change my life
But I wasn't right
You were more of a storm
I know I shouldn't feel this
I shouldn't be asking what if
I know I'm the reason it ended
But I don't even know what I ended
Don't get me wrong
I don't regret it
But I still wonder what if
I still wonder if it was right
But I think I know it was
We simply weren't meant
But it hurts still
Maybe I'm not meant for anyone
So maybe I'm not hurt
Or, at least, not hurt it ended
Maybe I'm just hurt
Hurt of how I feel now
Rain is such a beauty
Everyone says it's pretty
But everyone covers from it
No one wants to enjoy it
They say it's beautiful when it comes
They say they can't wait
But when it does come
They don't want it
I feel like I'm rain
Everybody says I'm a catch
But no one wants to catch me
They just hide like I'm rain
When our gaze met
I wanted to smile
But no answer was on sight
So I kept it inside
"You have such a great mom"
"I wish I had your mom"
"Why don't you talk to your mom?"
"I love how I can talk to your mom but not mine"
This are all quotes
Quotes I've been told
But no one knows how she is
How she is at home
I love her
But sometimes I hate her
Only if they knew...
Of if they knew...
If they knew
How she stops everything
To talk to her boyfriend
To listen to him
You talk
You joke
You turn around
You walk away
You don't look back
But maybe you should
And see
What you never did before
I hope one day
You'll look back
And see
How your joke
Affected me
But for now
You just keep making it all
Never looking back
As I think about my day
As I think about my decisions
As I think about my life
As I think about my friends
As I think about my family
As I think about my lost friends
As I think about everything
I doubt myself
I hurt myself
I punish myself
I hate myself
But the more I think
The more I realize
They aren't the toxic ones,
I am.
They left me because they had to
When people talk about depression
About loneliness
About that dark place that infests all our minds,
They equate it to drowning
I say false,
It is not drowning
But rather being lost at sea
Drowning is pain,
Drowning is struggle,
Drowning is impulse and the bodies reaction to what happening,
Drowning is the path to death.
Now,
Being lost at sea is closer I think.
Being lost at sea is suffering,
Being lost at sea is pain,
Being lost at sea is struggle,
I want to talk to you but how can I?
I'm still broken
Although I'm getting better
How can I talk to you,
When your mind is still a muddle
And you don't know what you want?
It would only end in more pain,
Pain for you and for me,
Brought about by our mutual confusion.
Oh how I wish that I could talk to you,
That I could hold you in my arms.
Lay with you looking up at the stars.
I hate what has happened to us.
I hate that you won't talk to me.
I hate that I cannot bring myself to utter the first words.
I hate that I am afraid to...
A pain in my chest
Too strong to deal with,
I try to cut it out.
Saved by a loved one
But sent away to be with the insane
I tried to get better,
Listening to the others like me,
Helping when I could.
I stopped thinking about her,
At least to the extent I had before.
Most thoughts were of memories,
The good times we had shared,
Not the bad
I has happier though I missed her greatly.
But then the world came back,
The flashing lights,
Is it cold
I say
As I wipe the tears away
My life is such a waste
I wish I could just pray
But no, I'm not religious
And that fact will stay
For my motto is to give up
And just live another day.
I can't get you out of my head when I know I should,
They say I should forget you but only If I could.
You're always on my mind,
Even when you're un-kind.
She's all that you think about,
But you still have a doubt.
You asked me for advice about her,
But I'm sorry, Sir.
I can't help you there.